Every October, Variety brings out their list of top 100 horror films. They update it from time to time with new releases, but it’s a pretty consistent list. They usually favor classics over new releases, which I’m a fan of.  I’m not here to argue for or against the list. I don’t overall find much fault with the movies they’ve selected. But, it did get me thinking about how you could rank any movie number one.

How to Be #1

To be a number one horror movie in any sub-genre, it would have to be a perfect movie. Not just perfect through the eyes of nostalgia. Technically sound, visually impactful and well, scary. It also helps if it goes on to inspire future filmmakers for generations. However, there is also something deeply personal about a perfect movie. Art is subjective after all. Some movies speak to us louder than others.

I have a few perfect horror movies. These are movies I’ve watched more times than I can countand yet never get bored. Some of them are movies I put on when I’m sick or have a bad day.  They are also films that even the most overzealous fanbase cannot ruin. Yeah, that’s a topic for another day.

Today though, I have the beginnings of the plague, or a cold. Since I’m curled up on the couch with time to kill, I thought I’d run through a few of my perfect movies and how they got that designation.

My Perfect Movies

The first movie is no surprise to anyone who’s been here before. It’s Psycho. I’ve discussed that over here. So, I won’t spend too much time on it.

Sinners is also a perfect movie for the way it handles race, class, and music. Plus, it’s so freaking pretty. It’s a rare modern perfect horror movie. For me anyway. I did a spoiler-free  review of it when it came out.

Next on my list of perfect horror movies is Alien. Because it’s not just a creature feature but effectively a haunted house movie as well,  I can rewatch this every couple of months. Yesterday when watching, I was focused on the themes of class division even within the crew. In the beginning, the story separates the lower deck workers who get smaller shares of the profits from the ranking officers.  The themes of class and the callousness of operations carry over through all the Alien movies. But it’s best-defined here with just one painful line: “Crew is expendable”.

For the record, Aliens is also a perfect movie. I just think it’s more of an action film.  It’s 100% quotable with fantastic characters. It’s also thematically relevant. In addition to the ongoing class themes, Aliens deals with motherhood and femineity. 

Speaking of horror-action blends, T2 is also on the perfect movie list. Not horror, still amazing.

Back to Horror

Most of my perfect horror movies are older. Not because I think the classics are superior but because it takes me some time to really evaluate.  Now, the classics are classic for a reason. They set the template for hundreds of movies to follow.

But there are few perfect classics. So many of them are a product of their time. With that comes certain baggage. Our storytelling sensibilities have changed since many of these movies were released. We can see the issues of racism, ableism, sexism. There is a lot we might do differently.

But remakes rarely make for perfect movies. It’s hard to recapture everything that made them successful to begin with. Perfection requires timing. Sometimes the only thing that makes a movie a truly perfect experience is when you watch it. Every time you come back, rewatching it brings up whatever memories are attached to that first viewing. 

Nostalgia

Poltergeist, the original, is pretty close to a perfect movie for me. Partially because of the merits of the movie itself and partially because of how I remember the first time I watched it. This was another of my mother’s insomnia-driven movie nights. I vividly recall sitting next to her in a dim living room, watching Diane fight for Carol Anne.  So many of the horror movies I watched with my mother involved strong mothers protecting their children.

I haven’t rewatched Poltergeist and not felt like I was safe and sound next to my mother on our old couch. It’s a surprisingly cozy feeling for a rather uncozy movie. Nostalgia is funny that way. It’s also why I’ve never seen any of the sequels or remakes. No amount of modern effects could ever replace that feeling.

Variety’s Perfect Movie

For the record, Variety listed The Texas Chainsaw Massacre as their #1 horror movie this year.  I have a lot of thoughts about this. Not because I dislike Chainsaw, it’s one of my favorites. H³ has no opinion since he’s never going to watch it. I can’t disagree with them. It’s like, their opinion. Is Chainsaw a perfect movie for me? I wouldn’t say that either. I don’t rewatch it often, not all the way through. It’s one of those movies where its strengths are its weaknesses. It’s uncomfortable and strange, a product of the end of the Vietnam war and the switch from family farming to factory farms. The desperation and poverty of the area are baked into every frame and scene.  So, what keeps it off my list?  Too much bait, not enough character.  In the end, the Sawyers are far more interesting than anyone they kill, which shifts the tone of the experience. I don’t mind feeling sympathy or empathy for monsters. I do question when I feel like I’m encouraged to root for them.  All this means I still love it, but it’s not perfect.

Final Thoughts

In art, perfection isn’t an exact metric. There are technical benchmarks, sure. But at the end of the day, it comes down to a feeling. Perfect movies make you feel something, and  that can come from the most technically imperfect film.