In 2005, Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid was nominated for a Golden Raspberry for Worst Remake or Sequel. It lost to Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. In a different year, it may not have even been nominated. It’s a perfectly fine movie, if just one you’d expect to see on the Sci-Fi Channel on a Saturday afternoon.

• Directed by: Dwight H. Little
• Written by: Hans Bauer. Jim Cash. Jack Epps Jr.
• Starring: Morris Chestnut. KaDee Strickland. Eugene Byrd

It’s Not about a Complicated Plot

Giant snakes eat people who are in the jungle searching for a flower that might hold the pharmacological secret to long life. It’s a decent cast of snake snacks. Most of these people you’ll probably recognize from various TV shows like Private Practice, Bones, and Eureka. The cast does a decent job of filling the archetypes required by the script. 

It is probably worth mentioning that Dwight Little previously directed Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. Although your opinion on if that is an endorsement or not will largely depend on how you feel about Jamie Lloyd.

Or Complex Characters

They are broad characters since the plot is not overly complex. Researchers trying to sell their drug to a pharmaceutical company, and employees of saidcompany as well as the charter boat captain and his first mate, get to re-evaluate their priorities. Some of the characters stay true to their original goal: mostly making a crap ton of money. This provides a pretty great human antagonist. The rest realize they are in a life-and-death, and while I can’t say the characters behave realistically, they are entertaining. 

Sadly, the same cannot be said for the snakes. They are neither realistic nor entertaining. Which, in a movie named “Anacondas”, is a bit of letdown.  The big issue I have with them isn’t that they are bad CG, but even bad-for-2004 CG. There also isn’t enough of them (I realize this is a little contradictory).  Look, in the first movie, one giant snake killed like 6 people by himself.   This group of giant snakes couldn’t top that and most of the deaths were off-screen.

There is a Theme Though.

Not that I’m just here to see people get eaten.  This move has theme and character arcs too.  Kinda.  The theme is that no amount of money is worth risking your life over. So, we do get to see characters struggle with their internal moral compass, usually right before getting eaten by snakes. 

As is expected, the character with the least lines and backstory gets eaten first. Pro survival tip: If you start to believe you are in a horror movie, start making yourself memorable. Just don’t resolve any long-buried trauma too soon. You’re sure to die soon after.   

Look, Anacondas: Hunt for The Blood Orchid isn’t high art. It’s a B monster movie that gets by largely because the characters are such over-the-top archetypes. The researcher isn’t just greedy, he’s greedy enough to kill everyone on the expedition.  We also have a reluctant pharmaceutical executive. She’s not just out-of-place in the jungle; she’s trying to make her cellphone work/complaining about not having a hot tub out-of-place. Watching extreme characters interact can be fun, especially in ridiculous situations. Like being hunted by a jungle full of giant snakes.  They just aren’t real people.

It Also Has Snakes

Which is fine. This not that kind of movie.  It’s a movie about near-immortal giant anacondas eating people.  If you judge this on the same standards that you judge The Exorcist or Sinners, you are going to be sad and probably a bit angry. 

To be honest, if you judge it on the giant-snake-eating-people standard, you may be a bit let down as well. The snakes don’t look as good as they should, and don’t show up soon enough. There is too much time spent with the people, and not enough time watching them be stalked or menaced by snakes.  Honestly, when it counts the snakes even get an assist from a spider.  

Once again, a workable concept is undone by pacing issues. The script just takes too long to put the people in the path of the giant snakes.  It’s also too afraid to really whittle down its cast. Even in fun movies, the stakes have to feel real and significant. That only happens when the danger is real.

Ask for More From Your Giant Snake Movies.

There are much better giant snake movies, like the original Anaconda.  There are also six total installments in the Anaconda cinematic universe. This does include the reboot releasing this year starring Jack Black and Paul Rudd.  This remake has two longtime friends heading off to remake their favorite childhood movie to stave off a midlife crisis.  

With a cast that also includes Steve Zahn and Thandiwe Newton, this is a cast and concept design for extreme personalities in ridiculous situations. Weirdly, Anaconda 2025 looks to be a December 25^th release. So, Merry Hissmas?

Final Thoughts

I admit that I saw Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid in the theaters when it was first released. I thought it was silly fun then, but it has not aged as well as I had hoped.  If you are a fan of more adventure-themed giant animal movies and have an hour and a half to kill, there are worse movies. But there are also much better. 

Anacondas is available on streaming